Wednesday, March 25, 2015. 11:30 AM Central Time.
*One Direction tweeted * "Statement". It led to a link on Facebook with the official news that Zayn Malik has quit the band. Leading up to this Zayn had taken a six day break from the tour because of stress from various rumors. All of this happening in the middle of their second worldwide stadium tour. Little did we know, he was taking a break for good.
At 11:30 AM, I was sitting in my dorm, on my bed, procrastinating getting ready for my class at noon. Then I saw the notification light up on my phone. "One Direction Statement". My heart instantly dropping. I knew. With hesitation I clicked on the link and read the whole post, all while tears were streaming down my face. I was shaking. Short of breath. In disbelief. I knew it was coming. We all did. But not like this. Not so abrupt. Not without a formal goodbye. Not through Facebook. Not without a warning. There were so many questions. As I was crying, I was constantly refreshing my twitter feed. Retweeting anything that I saw relevant. I went all out, I didn't care what people would think. I lost followers.. but I honestly do not give a flying fuck. Those 5 boys saved me. I will post whatever the hell I want on social media. I still remember the exact moment I first heard What Makes You Beautiful. It was early spring of my sophomore year in high school when everything changed.
Over the past four or five years, my life has been filled with many ups and many many downs. So many. I had changed schools, switched friend groups multiple times, broke up with boyfriends, quit figure skating after 13 years, gotten F's in numerous classes, had fights with my family, mourned several family deaths, struggled with my anxiety and depression... but through it all I had One Direction. They were the only constant thing I had in my life. While everything else around me was constantly changing causing loads of stress, they were there. When I am feeling down I listen to their music, watch funny moments on youtube, watch their TV appearances again, watch their video diaries over and over again... I would do/watch/listen to anything 1D related. They never fail to put a smile on my face. Never. They were there when nobody else was. They legit saved me. If I never found One Direction I honestly don't think I'd be where I am today. As cliché as it sounds, it is 100% true. I owe my life, my happiness, and my hope to those 5 boys.
It is crazy to think that this is the beginning of the end. My best memories from high school are all associated with One Direction. Girls that I have met online through 1D I consider to be my best friends. And they live all around the world. I feel a part of a family because of them. I belong somewhere. Something that I never really had felt before. I have supported them through it all. I have spent nearly $500 on magazines alone just so I could get the posters inside. I have all their CD's, all the DVD's, all the perfumes, all the books, a blanket, Christmas ornaments, school supplies, yearly calendars, T-shirts, bracelets, phone cases, a Niall cardboard cutout, you name it.. I probably have it. This summer I will be going to the OTRA tour, my third and most likely last concert I will see of them. But this time it will be different, it will feel almost incomplete without Zayn. I am so thankful to have travelled to Boston last summer to see the WWA tour. To say that I have seen him twice makes me feel so blessed. I have spent thousands on these boys and I will continue to support them. Always & Forever.
For some reason I am confused as to why this news hurt me so much. I knew that it was bound to happen eventually. But not during the middle of a tour, with no warning.. and just one band member? I feel like it should have been the whole band to break up at the same time instead of just Zayn. In a formal way.. not through a Facebook post. After today, I realized how much I care for One Direction. How much I love them. How much they mean to me. It scares me that it is over. One Direction is over. It is over. Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall, however, are carrying out the tour. But no way in hell will it be the same. The fifth album will be strange. There will no longer be One Direction. And I still cannot fathom that. My boys, the ones who saved me, no longer. I am distraught, extremely saddened and at a loss by this. I never knew the impact they would have on my life would be this massive. I have experienced many losses so far in my life, but none have given me this feeling of emptiness. I have thought about One Direction every single day since I found out about them. Nothing or nobody else has ever been that important to me.
But one of the worst things about all of this is how I am being judged. I did not go to any of my classes today, I had no appetite, no motive, no drive. I cried and cried. Stayed in my dorm. Didn't go to lunch. But what did my friends do? They laughed. They literally do not understand how much this band has done for me. GAHHH! It just makes me so angry! Why is it funny that I am crushed and devastated about the one thing I cared about ending? If you are upset that your favorite sports team lost I won't judge! So why judge me?
I will never regret a single penny that I spent on One Direction, a single mile that has been traveled for them, a single hour of sleep that has been lost for them, or a single tear that has been shed over them. They are the reason I am who I am and there is never going to be anything that will make me regret making them such a big part of my life.
1D AF
UAN
TMH
MM
FOUR
A massive thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you One Direction, always & forever.
*One Direction tweeted * "Statement". It led to a link on Facebook with the official news that Zayn Malik has quit the band. Leading up to this Zayn had taken a six day break from the tour because of stress from various rumors. All of this happening in the middle of their second worldwide stadium tour. Little did we know, he was taking a break for good.
At 11:30 AM, I was sitting in my dorm, on my bed, procrastinating getting ready for my class at noon. Then I saw the notification light up on my phone. "One Direction Statement". My heart instantly dropping. I knew. With hesitation I clicked on the link and read the whole post, all while tears were streaming down my face. I was shaking. Short of breath. In disbelief. I knew it was coming. We all did. But not like this. Not so abrupt. Not without a formal goodbye. Not through Facebook. Not without a warning. There were so many questions. As I was crying, I was constantly refreshing my twitter feed. Retweeting anything that I saw relevant. I went all out, I didn't care what people would think. I lost followers.. but I honestly do not give a flying fuck. Those 5 boys saved me. I will post whatever the hell I want on social media. I still remember the exact moment I first heard What Makes You Beautiful. It was early spring of my sophomore year in high school when everything changed.
Over the past four or five years, my life has been filled with many ups and many many downs. So many. I had changed schools, switched friend groups multiple times, broke up with boyfriends, quit figure skating after 13 years, gotten F's in numerous classes, had fights with my family, mourned several family deaths, struggled with my anxiety and depression... but through it all I had One Direction. They were the only constant thing I had in my life. While everything else around me was constantly changing causing loads of stress, they were there. When I am feeling down I listen to their music, watch funny moments on youtube, watch their TV appearances again, watch their video diaries over and over again... I would do/watch/listen to anything 1D related. They never fail to put a smile on my face. Never. They were there when nobody else was. They legit saved me. If I never found One Direction I honestly don't think I'd be where I am today. As cliché as it sounds, it is 100% true. I owe my life, my happiness, and my hope to those 5 boys.
It is crazy to think that this is the beginning of the end. My best memories from high school are all associated with One Direction. Girls that I have met online through 1D I consider to be my best friends. And they live all around the world. I feel a part of a family because of them. I belong somewhere. Something that I never really had felt before. I have supported them through it all. I have spent nearly $500 on magazines alone just so I could get the posters inside. I have all their CD's, all the DVD's, all the perfumes, all the books, a blanket, Christmas ornaments, school supplies, yearly calendars, T-shirts, bracelets, phone cases, a Niall cardboard cutout, you name it.. I probably have it. This summer I will be going to the OTRA tour, my third and most likely last concert I will see of them. But this time it will be different, it will feel almost incomplete without Zayn. I am so thankful to have travelled to Boston last summer to see the WWA tour. To say that I have seen him twice makes me feel so blessed. I have spent thousands on these boys and I will continue to support them. Always & Forever.
For some reason I am confused as to why this news hurt me so much. I knew that it was bound to happen eventually. But not during the middle of a tour, with no warning.. and just one band member? I feel like it should have been the whole band to break up at the same time instead of just Zayn. In a formal way.. not through a Facebook post. After today, I realized how much I care for One Direction. How much I love them. How much they mean to me. It scares me that it is over. One Direction is over. It is over. Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall, however, are carrying out the tour. But no way in hell will it be the same. The fifth album will be strange. There will no longer be One Direction. And I still cannot fathom that. My boys, the ones who saved me, no longer. I am distraught, extremely saddened and at a loss by this. I never knew the impact they would have on my life would be this massive. I have experienced many losses so far in my life, but none have given me this feeling of emptiness. I have thought about One Direction every single day since I found out about them. Nothing or nobody else has ever been that important to me.
But one of the worst things about all of this is how I am being judged. I did not go to any of my classes today, I had no appetite, no motive, no drive. I cried and cried. Stayed in my dorm. Didn't go to lunch. But what did my friends do? They laughed. They literally do not understand how much this band has done for me. GAHHH! It just makes me so angry! Why is it funny that I am crushed and devastated about the one thing I cared about ending? If you are upset that your favorite sports team lost I won't judge! So why judge me?
I will never regret a single penny that I spent on One Direction, a single mile that has been traveled for them, a single hour of sleep that has been lost for them, or a single tear that has been shed over them. They are the reason I am who I am and there is never going to be anything that will make me regret making them such a big part of my life.
1D AF
UAN
TMH
MM
FOUR
A massive thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you One Direction, always & forever.