The other day in my interpersonal communication class we started our chapter on conflict and power. My professor had asked us to take out a notebook and pencil and to just write about the first conflict that we have endured that came to mind. She said it could be a conflict with a roommate, a friend, parents, siblings, yourself or a significant other. And what was the first conflict that came to my mind? Ours. The one that could have been avoided freshman year if I had just opened my eyes.
To you,
I realize now that our ongoing conflict for about a year and a half now could have been completely prevented. As I began writing in my notebook, I started to write down the timeline of us and the sequence of events that had followed. I wrote about the promises we made, and how I broke every single one of them. I broke them because I lacked trust, in you, and in myself. Once I arrived at college I felt free. No parents to tell me I couldn't do something, even if I was originally against doing whatever it was. So that freedom encouraged me to do all the things I told myself I would never do and had criticized you for doing in the past. I didn't trust you being in a fraternity because I knew what went down because of my brother. But I should have trusted you. Sure our conflict could have risen because long distance was too difficult for us but I don't think that was the main reason. I believe our conflict began firstly because of my internal conflict. I was to eager to be free and try anything and everything. I wanted to recreate myself and become someone else. I made friends that I couldn't keep. And I seemed to trust their opinions and advice more than yours even though they barely new me.
Conflict is a funny concept. It tears people apart. But for some, it brings people closer together, it somehow makes them stronger. For us, it tore us apart. Slowly drifting and just "kitchen-sinking". That is a term I learned in my IP comm class. It means that during conflict you randomly spew out hateful comments unrelated to the conflict itself. We did a lot of that. And neither of us wanted to, but it still unfolded that way.
The thing about conflicts is that it always has an ending. But here we are almost done with our second year of college and I don't think our conflict has ended. Ties haven't been completely cut off.
My conflict style is most definitely 100% avoidance. When things started to arise, I avoided it and pretended that things were fine. Lies were told and feelings were covered up, way too many. Avoidance is not as glamorous as it may seem.
This probably makes no sense to anyone but us. But moral of the story, listen to others who know you, don't fight yourself, trust your gut, and your heart.
To you,
I realize now that our ongoing conflict for about a year and a half now could have been completely prevented. As I began writing in my notebook, I started to write down the timeline of us and the sequence of events that had followed. I wrote about the promises we made, and how I broke every single one of them. I broke them because I lacked trust, in you, and in myself. Once I arrived at college I felt free. No parents to tell me I couldn't do something, even if I was originally against doing whatever it was. So that freedom encouraged me to do all the things I told myself I would never do and had criticized you for doing in the past. I didn't trust you being in a fraternity because I knew what went down because of my brother. But I should have trusted you. Sure our conflict could have risen because long distance was too difficult for us but I don't think that was the main reason. I believe our conflict began firstly because of my internal conflict. I was to eager to be free and try anything and everything. I wanted to recreate myself and become someone else. I made friends that I couldn't keep. And I seemed to trust their opinions and advice more than yours even though they barely new me.
Conflict is a funny concept. It tears people apart. But for some, it brings people closer together, it somehow makes them stronger. For us, it tore us apart. Slowly drifting and just "kitchen-sinking". That is a term I learned in my IP comm class. It means that during conflict you randomly spew out hateful comments unrelated to the conflict itself. We did a lot of that. And neither of us wanted to, but it still unfolded that way.
The thing about conflicts is that it always has an ending. But here we are almost done with our second year of college and I don't think our conflict has ended. Ties haven't been completely cut off.
My conflict style is most definitely 100% avoidance. When things started to arise, I avoided it and pretended that things were fine. Lies were told and feelings were covered up, way too many. Avoidance is not as glamorous as it may seem.
This probably makes no sense to anyone but us. But moral of the story, listen to others who know you, don't fight yourself, trust your gut, and your heart.